


cowardice

by candycity



Category: Liar Game
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-24
Updated: 2014-11-24
Packaged: 2018-02-26 20:59:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2666174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/candycity/pseuds/candycity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>you put on a brave face, pretend to be stronger than you really are - but the mask is cracking and you’re so, so tired. akiyama/nao.</p>
            </blockquote>





	cowardice

_It’s for her sake,_ you tell yourself.

The mask is forged from liquid pain and icy steel, and with it you spin tales and weave lies, lips flickering with a knowing smirk, expression cool with a confidence you don’t possess.

"I’ve got a plan," you say, and your mind words faster than your heart does; the words tumble out, eloquent and precise, and you have no idea what you’re saying, just the white-hot desperation that you have to, you absolutely _have_ to keep her alive.

She looks up at you, eyes trusting and honest and open and admiring, and your heart _wrenches_ because you hate yourself, you hate having to close yourself off from her, you hate that you can't say what you feel and you hate that you don’t understand _why._

You hate hiding behind false confidence and shallow intelligence, because isn’t that your worst fear - that in the end, you’re nothing more than an empty shell of empty cleverness?

But you let your lips curve into a smirk and your head dip into a nod, and the game goes on.

( If this really is a game of liars, then, you’ve already won. )

**:.:**

At night, you stare at yourself in the mirror and you wonder why you can hardly recognise the man staring back.

You’re such a liar, you realise, because you won’t show her who you are - her, Kanzaki Nao, who’s entrusted you with her heart and soul.

You’re such a liar, because you tell yourself - it’s for her own good. She can’t know that the man she trusts for answers, to be a pillar of strength - she can’t know that he is - _you are_ \- unthinkably weak.

Deep down, you know that it’s not for her sake. It’s selfish. _You’re_ selfish.

( You _hate_ yourself. )

You wear the mask because of cowardice, because you are _afraid_ \- and that is all.

( But you'll never tell, will you, you _coward_. )

**:.:**

But it’s exhausting, having to pretend.

Little by little, the game drains you of your strength, and her unyielding trust erodes away your willpower to keep pretending.

Your mask is cracking, and you’re so, _so_ tired.

But she’s there, see; she tells you, no, you’re not just cold strategies and hard logic; she tells you, you’re more than that, you’re kind, you’re good, you’re human, too. Her words are like salve, kindness warming you from the inside, weakening the glue that holds the pieces of your mask together.

You need her, need her like oxygen, or a vital organ - but you’re still scared.

( I need to be strong. )

You’re still a coward.

( A liar, till the end. )

**:.:**

But the sun is setting, its lifeblood seeping from invisible wounds, staining the world a bloody red. The day has ended, but you can’t bear to leave her.

The words, that flowed so easily off your tongue, are stilted, frozen.

_Stay with me.  
I need you.   
I lo -_

( But you can’t say them, can you? You’re such a coward. )

And so you lie to her, yeah, we should go our separate ways; no, you don’t mean anything to me, don’t be stupid, you’re just a kid.

You can’t even remember how you look like without the glass-mask that twists your features, freezes your heart into ice.

It’s the first time since the first round that you’ve lied directly to her face, but she does not break; she is calm and gentle as always when she tells you:

"It’s okay, Akiyama-san."

She is beautiful, and regal, and overwhelmingly kind, like a queen; _she’s always been stronger than you, you know._

"You don’t have to pretend anymore."

The mask shatters, and so do you; you stumble forward into her embrace, awkward and clumsy and you’ve never felt so _undone._

( Showing weakness, admitting the truth - it’s the bravest thing you’ve done in a long, long time. )

**:.:**

The throne of the Liar King is toppled, the masquerade ended.

Night has fallen, but the stars shine in the distance, the ebb of the rising sun a faint glow in the distance.

You’re not strong, and you’re not brave, and you’re definitely not a knight in shining armour.

But you have her, and you’ll be okay.


End file.
